We find ourselves once again writing cover letters, once again imagining our life as perceived by the would-be master of some next wind of fate, once again feeling acutely where others might perceive I fall short.
Once again reshaping and tweaking the image of how I sell myself off without losing their unknown attention. It’s such an easy path to become self-pitiful, or else overly self-confident as a defense, when most of your reception is repeated rejection by emails from no particular name without a why. There’s just someone better.
It saps away at a person over time, especially when the entire enterprise is one into which I’m not sure I buy. But that’s an indulgent illusion, that choice.
I come now to realize there is no option to buy in as a free choice. I want to give Shoshauna a life without worry beyond the nature of life, I want my children given the ability of choice to follow their interests unhindered by a resource barrier. I want to exert power in the world. I want. The theory of abandonment is easy and naive, the conviction of the weak-in-conviction, or the strong.
Yet I am a spider who wants at weaving an addition to the web, or amendments to the ropes currently home. I’m being fruity, I’m trying to say I’m social. I’m connected to people I love and discovering new people to love and every connection is likewise expanding on their own just the same, and it takes no time at all by any stretch of imagination to understand how one love like Adam and Eve’s quickly becomes the human network, even when I play Adam across from Shoshauna as Eve.